We introduce to you, dear shopper:

THE HOODED STATEMENT JACKET

For the ultimate layer of conceit, we present to you our simply gorgeous hooded canvas jacket.

Military inspiration is at the heart of this bigly number, evoking the grandeur and bloated expense of unnecessary military parades, set against visions of thermonuclear war with North Korea –or, even better, China (pronounced JA-I-NA). The genius drawstring waist and hem hint to the strangulation of independent investigations and the free press by a President with aspirations for full-blown dictatorship, while the covfefe ample pocket space is perfect for stowing scraps of paper upon which you’ve scrawled racial epithets, phone numbers of Russian hookers, ‘UGE’ crowd estimates or nasty limericks about John McCain (now what rhymes with ‘P.O.W’? War hero my ass!). Inclement weather and fake news got you down? Slip the lined hood -we LOVE our hoods!!- down over your head and it will drown everything out (even those pesky #metoo whiners! Why, I’d like to move on them like a bitch!).

But these aren’t alternative facts you pathetic snowflakes, because there’s MORE!

The absolute pièce de ré·sis·tance of this garment can be found down the length of the back, where we’ve included the assertive statement ‘I REALLY DON’T CARE, DO U?’ in bold, white brushstrokes. This declaration of abject apathy and abandonment of conscience is the perfect fit for any occasion, whether inspecting detention centers on the Mexican border, visiting 7-year-old school shooting victims in hospital, or berating a senior citizen without healthcare and living off slashed social security benefits for being a no-good welfare cheat. So what if they’re suffering from malnutrition and vermin bites, they brought this on themselves for foolishly thinking a wealthy, powerful country might take care of its least fortunate citizens. And they think Killary would have helped them?? Stupid libtards!

RRP $$ JUST YOUR SOUL

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