Cancer- Is anything you write on social media worth quoting at length?

Pisces- Actors are paid extraordinary amounts while their work distracts us from reality. Seems like the closer you work to the truth, the less you get paid. How much are you earning?

Virgo- Don’t say, “Oh my God, I have a big problem”, instead say “Oh my problem, I have a big God.”

Scorpio- Ask why horse racing bodies can schedule thousands of races each week on time, yet city trains are constantly late? Let’s turn public transport into races we can bet on- I bet you’ll never be late again.

Capricorn- Domesticated dogs shit everywhere, but as a society we’ve developed this common courtesy and expect ‘clean dog walking.’ What aspects of your life need a pooper scooper?

Aries- If harmonicas are the cicadas of wind instruments, then what would that make the oboe?

Taurus- This month's fashion tip: wear your clothes, don’t let your clothes wear you!

Gemini- Undecided if you want to change your career? Ask yourself, “Is my work a distraction from what’s really going on in society, shaping society or cleaning up the shit of society?"

Aquarius- Suburbia is the purgatory of society. Get off the picket fence and picket a fence.

Sagitttarius- The phenomena known as “terminal prosperity” is when you have enough of something you eventually realize that it doesn't change your life. Have you had enough Mocroscope?

Libra- Cull toxic people from your life by completing this sentence:

"You will never truly understand the greed of your ..........

A) Divorce Lawyer,
B) Baby photographer,
C) Ex- partner who has your sexting videos

...until it’s too late."

Lazy Eye is out every month...