A public service announcement: as always the Mockroscope is here to help. This month is dedicated as a public service announcement of moments your star sign needs to avoid.

Cancer - Avoid looking people in the eye while they’re pooping. Find intimacy in other ways.

Leo- Never help a friend remove a tampon, period.

Virgo- DO NOT buy lube for your parents. It’s a slippery slope.

Libra- Caution not to accidentally post ‘that video’ on the church group chat. Some sins can’t be forgiven.

Scorpio- You should never need to thank your cousin for being tender while they were deep inside you. Broaden your dating circles.Sagittarius- Never, ever, buy lingerie for your Aunt. Some mental pictures shouldn’t exist.

Capricorn- “Bring baby wipes, paper just won’t do!” should never be a sentence in your home. Add fibre to your diet instead.

Aquarius- Don’t announce the launch of your ‘Only Fans’ page at a family Christmas. Some gifts need to stay in their box.

Pisces- “How long have you been watching?” is never a sentence an adult child should have to say to their parents from the shower. Remember to lock the doors.

Aries- Never let your manager know that you’re giving 100% of your 50%. Just smile and keep on looking busy.

Taurus- When at a family dinner, never smell your hand after scratching your privates. Savour your cologne in private.Gemini- Never store menthol massage cream next to your haemorrhoid cream in the medicine cabinet. It’s an invitation for disaster.

Lazy Eye is out every month...