Sagittarius – Self-awareness starts with a simple question: "Am I the attention grabbing blonde or the captivating brunette?"
Capricorn – Next time you ask a friend if they farted, be prepared for "NO!"
Aquarius – Worried about promoting your next big event? Remember, a porn site has never had a soft launch.
Pisces – To do something nice for someone is "to get into their good books". This month figure out what recipes are in your "good books".
Aries – What's in a name? A lot! We use a face-washer to wash our butt, though if you were given a butt-washer would you wash your face?
Taurus – Ask yourself, “Do I deserve a humility award?” If so, go stand in a room of mirrors and wait for the award.

Gemini – There are more stars in the sky than grains of sand in all the deserts on earth. Create your own constellation, no-one will know if you’re lying.
Cancer – Remember, you can only be present in your breath so make sure to floss.
Leo – Friendship is like a convenience store, it's easiest if it's just around the corner. From now on make more of an effort to buy your milk a little further away.
Virgo – Smart phones, tablets, laptops, phone watches... Electronic devices are filling out heads with shit like never before. This month, read a novel, it's a laxative for the mind.
Libra – If I was immature yesterday what does that make me today? Do something silly and blame it on yesterday.
Scorpio – Radio announcers back announce songs to help sell the music. This month, sell your sexual potency and back announce your sexual positions after coitus.

Lazy Eye is featured in The Cud every month. Follow him on instagram HERE