Gemini – Be encouraged by the recent political boycott. When writing out the president of the USA spell it, President Donald Trump, as he shouldn't be considered a proper noun.

Cancer – Academia is a good place to work... in theory.

Leo – Is it amazing how 12 bourbon and cokes makes everyone think they're as appealing as Kelly LeBrock in weird science?

Virgo – Do your clothes spend more time in the mirror or in your wallet?

Libra – Your month is going to be a 10 out of 10. Buckle up.

Scorpio – Is ‘Yacht’ the least phonetic word in the English language?

Sagittarius – Want to be rolling in dollar bills? Create a Shazam for animal sounds.

Capricorn – Don’t let Twitter be the mouthpiece for your tears.

Aquarius – In the bike ride of life there’ll be climbs and descents; just don’t forget to peddle.

Pisces – Pen clickers, next time someone asks you to stop clicking tell them (politely) to fuck right off! You have rights too.

Aries – When is it too late to for things to be getting old?

Taurus – Jean Claude Van Dame really showed the depth of his acting ability in Double Impact when he played was his identical twin brother Chad. Understand the depths of your personality and pretend to be your identical twin this month.