Gemini – Fresh air is good, as long as it smells like bacon.
Cancer – Make sure your pets match your effort.
Leo – If you want to make a noise complaint make sure you’re heard.
Virgo – All farts are a cis male.
Libra – All burps are non-binary.
Scorpio – Make your fragrance match your personality: pleasant and floral and not overbearing.

Sagittarius – There’s always a flip side to a skateboard.
Capricorn – It’s not a weed's fault for being a weed, have more patience with politicians.
Aquarius – An engagement ring is just an expensive deposit on a lay-by.
Pisces – Do you see double or do you see doubles?
Aries – In a game of chance, chance will always win.
Taurus –Next time someone asks, “How you doin’?” Reply, “As good as Instagram portrays.”

Lazy Eye is out every month...