Capricorn – Are you still pissed off about the Mayweather - Pacquiao fight? Take a stand and never shadow box again.

Aquarius – Humour is a very attractive feature. Have you noticed that none of the best comics are sporing ripped muscles? Fitness is a distraction from being funny, so this month stop exercising and work on some jokes instead.

Pisces – Smart people underestimate themselves and ignorant people think they’re awesome. Hip hop told us this years ago when it said, "check yourself before you wreck yourself!” This month listen to more hip hop- it’s basically modern philosophy (but with much cooler clothes).

Aries – In today’s society, copyright breaches are occurring unnoticed and without consequence. This month help Warner Brothers prove that Donald Trump copied his persona from Yosemite Sam.

Taurus – Need some extra cash? This month write a twelve-week nutrition plan called “The Fail-leo diet”. It's basically the Paleo diet but with 82 fail days.

Gemini – Try and get noticed a little more this month. When you order coffee, instead of giving the barista your name, offer up a number or a single letter instead. I like saying my name is “The letter Q.”

Cancer – Germany twice tried to take over Europe through force. Now they’re going buy it. How are you going to take over your next acquisition? (hint: digging in trenches won’t help)

Leo – Take stock of your current life path. Imagine if your Internet browser history was read out as your eulogy?

Virgo – Look smarter this month by carrying your lunch to work in a bag from a bookstore.

Libra – The Red Bull Formula1 team will spent $264 million (US) in 2015. According to the UN, that's more than the GDP then the six poorest countries in the world. This month, help Team Red Bull find a place to start their own country.

Scorpio – If you can convince yourself that you had a good night’s sleep, you will trick your brain and have more energy. It's called placebo sleep. What are you going to placebo this month?
Sagittarius – Your advice is astute and will be valuable in settling a long time quandary. Is a one-trick pony the animal world’s version of a one-hit wonder?