Capricorn – Your career is like being in a rugby scrum, you want to be above people who have others underneath them. Where are you in your corporate scrum?
Aquarius – Warner Bros has taught children many values through their characters. What did Warner Bros teach us through Pepé Le Pew, determination or how to be a sex pest?
Pisces – Have you noticed that the rain dissolves driving skills? To ease your future financial situation, invent an umbrella for cars. This will fix shit driving and bolster your wallet.
Aries – This month dance like you got nine lives, cuddle like you've got four lives, swim like you've got two lives, read like you've got three lives, compose like you've got one life, relax like you've got eight lives, cook like you've got five lives, and forgive like you've got seven lives.
Taurus – They say the biggest laugh you’ll ever have is at someone else's expense. Does that mean public servants are laughing the most?
Gemini – Inject a little more humour in your life and become a politician. Seriously- most of them are taking the piss!

Cancer – Is “retro” a noun or just a synonym for laziness? If you can be bothered, run a petition to find out if this is true.
Leo – Someone famous once noted a “ship of fools" would carry the unwanted and misunderstood of society. During your spare time this month write an esatsy discussing, “Is the concept of a “ship a fools” a necessary part of capitalism or a by-product?”
Virgo –    It takes dedication to be dedicated. This month dedicate yourself to applying dedication.
Libra – Ancient Greece has given the world many things: western philosophy, democracy and the Olympics. This month, write a letter to modern Greece telling them to stop resting on their laurels.
Scorpio – Stop working for the man and start a new business. The Unification Church was founded by Sun Myung Moon and is now worth around 900 million dollars. This month claim to be the second coming of Jesus and someone will surly give you money.
Sagittarius – Alcoholics are the high achievers of social drinking. Are you reaching your potential?