It's official. I am going to be rich, never have to work again, be surrounded by beautiful women, be famous, travel the world and succeed in an important exam (or test). Who do I have to thank for this embarrassment of riches? Why, it could only be the "really famous Clairvoyant and Medium" Marie Callas. If you have not yet sent your "Special Coupon" from the Sun Herald TV Guide to Mary, you might have missed out! I have carefully selected my 7 wishes "(no more than 7!)" from the list of 33. So hurry down to your public library's newspaper stacker, start sifting through your neighbour's recycling bins, or call Fairfax for a back issue. If you carefully fill in your coupon and send it to the Singaporean Address provided you will soon receive a "discreet and large white envelope" containing all the tools to make the "Secret Wishes" that are "closest to your heart" come true.

What I am talking about is an advertisement that was published in the Sun Herald Television Guideon February 6th. The advertisement asks readers to select 7 wishes from a list of 33, send their selection to the renowned mystic Marie Callas, who performs "a ritual known by her alone", sends a return envelope containing some special advice and your wishes start coming true. Out of curiosity, I completed the task, mailed my reply and am waiting for the envelope. I'll let you know the outcome in future correspondence from my Caribbean Island.

What interested me most about the advertisement was not the chance that I could become instantly rich, attractive or successful. I have been fooled before by how-to-get-rich-quick schemes and long ago realized that success is of an individual's making. It was the list of 33 Secret Wishes that one could select from that amazed me. I assume that whoever created the advertisement must have researched what turns TV Guide readers in an attempt to muster the greatest number of responses. Using this logic I infer that this list of 33 loosely reflects what people in the broader community might wish for. Apparently our dreams can be divided into four categories: wealth, popularity, romance, and success. Of the 33 wish options (printed below this article), 23 directly relate to financial gain, 4 involve love, 4 are about being popular, and 2 are about intellectual success.

That means that an astonishing 72% of all wishes are about getting more money or material possessions. And just when you started thinking you lived in a reasonably altruistic society! Unfortunately, I don't have any kids (#10), nor do I have an important test coming up (#16). I have no desire to be on better terms with wealthy people (#17) and have no desire to attract men (#28). So whilst I would have liked to wish for something more important than having a bucket'load of cash, I'm afraid that at least one of my 7 choices had to include a wish for financial gain. Surprisingly, there was no wish to quit addictions like smoking, drugs or drinking; no wish for those of us who need more emotional stability, or stronger relationships with our family, neighbours, or friends; no wish for those who need the courage to face up to an ongoing fear, or need the strength to do something out-of-the-ordinary; no wish for those wanting to find out when to correctly use a semi-colon, and no wish for seven more wishes!

Marie "Really Famous" Callus' Secret Wishes

#1 Win the lottery within a fortnight

#2 Win a big prize ($10,000 minimum) on a scratch card

#3 Win on the horses

#4 Win (indicate the amount you'd like to win on your Special Coupon) immediately.

#5 Have a monthly income of $5,000

#6 Win at the casino

#7 Have enough money to buy a house

#8 Sell or set up my own business

#9 Win enough money gambling to never have to work again

#10 See my kids do really well in their important studies

#11 Get a new car.

#12 Do a round-the world tour.

#13 Have enough money to help out my family.

#14 Retire with enough money to have no worries.

#15 Become the owner of some flats I could let out.

#16 Succeed in an important exam (or test).

#17 Be on friendly terms with wealthy people.

#18 Never have any money problems again.

#19 Buy a boat.

#20 Go off on a cruise.

#21 Win lots of cash on the lottery so I could give up working now.

#22 Have a house in the country.

#23 Get promoted at work.

#24 Find an enjoyable and well'paid job.

#25 Find true love at last.

#26 Be madly loved.

#27 Marry the person I love.

#28 Attract men.

#29 Attract women.

#30 Be on the telly.

#31 Make new friends

#32 Solve all my financial problems once and for all.

#33 Be able to stop working with a substantial monthly income