Seven years of marriage and raising four year old triplet daughters can take its toll on the strongest of relationships. Although we have never been ones to go along with conventional romantic gestures, I began to wonder whether we had indeed fallen into the cliché that many couples do, of losing romance after marriage. Romantic dinners consist of whatever the kids have not eaten. The bonus is if the food is still in a somewhat recongisable food form and has been fortunate enough to escape the fate of being smooshed into the floor. Being intimate is an artform, a skill if you will, of using the swift manoeuvrings of a ninja cat-burglar to grab the moment between the kids falling asleep and one of us (me) falling asleep on the couch before it is too late, the automatic locks on that safe shut down and the next window of operation is twenty four hours away. Suggestions on how to spend quality time usually surrounds spouse asking me if I want to play Xbox, and when I decline, the counter offer is for me to watch him play Xbox.

So, on face value it appears that romance has indeed been vanquished. But upon further investigation, I discovered that maybe it was not a case of the missing romance but indeed a case of what I like to call, the “Transformer-Roma”, romance that has changed form. All that needs to happen is for me, and other long-term couples out there to just take a closer look.

For example:

• Romance is both of you having a shower within the same twenty four hour period.
• Romance is offering your spouse the last Tiny Teddy biscuit after finding a half-eaten packet that your kids may or may not have eaten within the last couple of days.
• Romance is still taking the time out to talk, especially about how you feel about each other.

• Romance is getting a fleeting boob squeeze while you are making dinner as your spouse walks past you to tend to the kids that may or may not be strangling / hitting / launching each other off the dining table – or simply just sitting together on the couch watching TV, however there has been an unfortunate incident of one of your offspring’s foot experiencing the ever so slight touch of the foot of another one of your offspring.
• Romance is your spouse re-tweeting your tweets.

• Romance is holding hands while driving, in those intermittent moments between throwing snacks at your offspring to keep them quiet in the back and creating a human barrier to shield the offspring holding the last piece of food as they have been unlucky enough to not finish the same time as the others.
• Romance is realising that you know your spouse so well, you are able to instinctively read between the lines of every conversation.

• Romance is handing over remote control rights.
• Romance is realising that you are both in sync with each other.

• Romance is your spouse waiting until you fall asleep to go and play Xbox.
• Romance is recognising all the things that you love about your spouse, and letting them know you appreciate them.

• Romance is getting ‘action’ on a day that has not been scheduled for on the calendar.
• Romance is making the effort to groom and maybe even pamper yourself for your spouse – particularly in  instances where your level of bothered has not yet reached ‘can’t be’ status... or if you have not seen each other in a while.

• Romance is your spouse distracting the kids with shiny things, allowing you the chance to have a shower or go to the toilet.
• Romance is being supportive of your spouse in their endeavours to improve themselves, and being happy for them when they do.

• Romance is knocking before entering the bathroom.
• Romance is taking the time to help your spouse out with the kids, even without being asked.

• Romance is when your spouse plays ‘Mass Effect’ on Xbox, he creates his player to look exactly like you. And he doesn’t even make her boobs bigger.
• Romance is having pet names for each other which make your spouse feel special.

• Romance is leaving the kids at the grandparents’ house, going on a date night and without any discussion, both of you switching off your mobile phones. (Not out of courtesy for each other, just a mutually unspoken desire not to get disturbed by any emergency calls.)
• Romance is making plans to do things together as a couple.

• Romance is your spouse waking up in the middle of the night to wash and sterilise your breast pump so you can get to bed quicker.
• Romance is always giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt and believing the best in them.

• Romance is your spouse letting you be ‘Good Cop’, knowing that you have been disciplining the kids all day, even if that means the only time they will spend with them that day is as ‘Bad Cop’.
• Romance is always, ALWAYS taking date-night selfies of yourselves... because goodness knows just three minutes before they were taken you had popcorn kernels in your hair, you may or may not have been wearing an old maternity bra and the pants you were wearing had no less than three holes in them, none of which functional.

• Romance is you telling your spouse that you want to be a writer and him buying you an iPad so you can write anywhere and anytime. Romance is you telling your spouse that you want to be a photographer and him buying you ‘Photography for Dummies’. Romance is you not telling him you want to be a sailor, a pilot or a jeweller.
• Romance is knowing that your spouse always has their priorities in order and you are always number one on their list.

• Romance is your spouse agreeing to come shopping with you, and both of you knowing that it is perfectly ok for you to try as many things as you want so long as you never ask him how you look in any of them and allow him to find seating in the most comfortable place in the store to check out his Fantasy Basketball on his phone.
• Romance is your spouse agreeing to watch all the girly TV shows that you like without complaining.

• Romance is having a shower prior to getting intimate rather than after, even though it is far less practical.
• Romance is accepting each other for all your differences and loving each other for them.

• Romance is watching your spouse reading stories to your children.
• Romance is continuing to admire your spouse, in particular their character traits such as their selflessness and willingness to help others.

• And finally, romance is whatever signs you give to each other that indicate you are both still stoked to be hanging out together and only want to strangle each other a minority of the time.

Born in Skopje, Macedonia, Daniela Ifandoudas is a high school teacher and mother of triplet daughters living in Sydney Australia. When not preoccupied with crowd control, chauffeur duties and keeping up with her offspring’s ridiculously busy social schedule, she makes time to write and spend time with her loving husband Peter... mostly strategising over the best way to tackle crowd control, chauffeur duties and offspring’s social schedule.