Up at Five Ways there are cunts
In most all of the shopfronts

The bar managers are cocks
With their over-greasy locks
They effectively do nil
To get money in the till
Don’t expect the girls to serve
They’re just there to make you perv

And the Gusto staff conduct
In a manner rather fucked
They do nothing for their wage
Think they should be on the stage
Not a customer or guest
Just another fucking pest

Don’t get in the chemist’s face
If he’s listening to a race
The Parisians who make bread
I would gladly see them dead

The fishmonger never fails
To lean slightly on the scales
In your mind you set a price
That you’ll end up paying twice

All the checkout chicks one feels
Are still on their training wheels
Do the guys in personnel
Send them here to show them Hell?
“ You can go to Five Ways first
To see service at its worst”

Now you think I am unknind
But I do concede you’ll find
Vamps redeem the Frankish race
And a pleasant smiling face
Is within the Pizzeria
Who are always pleased to see ya

And the crew at Tapenade
I acknowledge all try hard
To anticipate your need
And provide a solid feed

While the waiter in the Thai
Is a pleasant girl… or guy…
So the odds of service poor?
Cunts to good guys, 6 to 4.