Scorpio – This month learn to lip sync to a James Brown song. A couple of suggestions: Mother Popcorn or Papa Don’t Take No Mess. If you’ve done this, lip sync a song by Korn or Debbie Gibson.

Sagittarius – Look after your health this month. Compared to 1986 we take in 5 times more data today, the equivalent of 175 newspapers. We also now read 34 gig of data in our leisure time. How much radiation are you exposing yourself to?

Capricorn – This month you’re going to need to be strong. When dressing in the morning remember, “Fashion bravery is sweet or savoury.”

Aquarius – Never judge a book by its cover. Gordon from Sesame Street played a pimp in the 1974 movie Willie Dynamite. He can teach you your ABC’s and still keep the leash tight on his seven bitches...

Pisces – You need to be more productive at work. Mind wandering is the brain's default mode and helps your brain to make connections between information. Try and daydream more or, better still, nap for 15 -20 minutes at work. It’s the same as sleeping for 1.5 hours.

Aries – Love will come into your life only if you roll your sleeves up. George Clooney found his way into making a speech at the U.N and now he’s married to a U.N lawyer. Do something to punch above your weight, it’ll help you find Mrs or Mr Right.

Taurus – Thinking about getting song lyrics as your next tattoo? You can find some great lyrics in Bobby Bares’ 1976 hit, Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through the Goal Posts of Life).

Gemini – Take stock and ask yourself, “What am I good at?”, then find out what data is out there about your skill. Do you need to work harder?

Cancer – Cristo, HR Giger, Picasso, Stelarc. There have been many great artists who have broadened our perception of our world. This month learn to play the ukulele like George Formby.

Leo – Remember, a poem is like a child. They’ll never be perfect.

Virgo – They say change is as good as a holiday, and with money being tight at the moment you’re not going anywhere. Instead change your persona. When talking to someone, end your sentence with “fact!”

Libra – This month your stars want you to contribute to literature. Correct people when they use the word 'promiscuous' too promiscuously.