Your Mockroscope For The Month

Lazy Eye

Aries – A volcano is just a planetary boil on the verge of erupting. Want to earn a bit of extra dosh? Turning your bodily infection into a tourist attraction.

Taurus – "I know I am but what are you?" This is the most intelligent statement a child can make. When considered carefully, we realise that this is an acknowledgement of one’s own fault as it demonstrates internal reflection and humility while also acknowledging one’s own fault in public forum. Furthermore it encourages the same of others as it asks them to exercise the same reflection on their own fault and calls for public admission thereby developing the virtue of humility. Next time you’re in a debate help the other side and ask. "I know I am but what are you?"

Gemini – Ask yourself, “Do I deserve a humility award?” If so, go stand in a room of mirrors and wait for the award.

Cancer – Friendship is like a convenience store, it's easiest if it's just around the corner. From now on, make more of an effort to buy your milk a little further away.

Leo – Being centred needs to be in the middle of your life practice. This month take stock of your morning meditation and notice if it’s, The Facebook, The Instagram or The Twitter? Leo, is your morning meditation checking what lives is in the centre of others?

Virgo – A lot of modern, unfounded philosophy starts with “They say…”  Next time you hear “They say" anything remember, “They” are only as valid as you allow them to be.

Libra – Why does the best research about dieting and health come out of the U.S, where food is often super-sized? Sometimes a paradox is an evil joke. This month, stop laughing at your own expense and eat more raw veggies.

Scorpio – They say if you fart, burp, sneeze and cough all at the same time you’ll spontaneously combust. In this moon, decrease combustible material from your diet and stay away from open flames.

Sagittarius – Restaurants which serve fried steak should come with a health warning. This month lobby your local member to make it illegal for restaurants who serve crap food to remove high chairs for babies. Our first step to breaking generational obesity begins with turning off the fryer.

Capricorn – If I was immature yesterday what does that make me today? Do something silly and blame it on yesterday’s immaturity. 

Aquarius – Social media is the white noise of this generation. This month, stop the ringing in your ears.

Pisces – Science has found the use of one’s olfactory sense as a great stimulant for memory. As a way to remember a past relative, some cultures smell an item of clothing of their past relative, at their funeral, as it helps to recall stories. This month ask yourself, “What memories does the stench of my attire conjure?”