Your Mockroscope For The Month

Lazy Eye

Pisces – A heroic act needs has two qualities" one risk, and two altruism. Take more risks this month and you're halfway to becoming a hero!

Aries – Jog your memory and remember: exercising is an important aspect of  exercise.

Taurus – Finding it hard to start conversations? This month walk around with an ice pick. When people ask what you are carrying reply, “It’s my ice breaker.”

Gemini – Elevator music is used to break up background noise and dissipate awkward silences. This month, dissipate awkward moments and take charge of your elevator music playlist.

Cancer – Maths is the only universal language and one that has been used throughout the ages. One of the greatest recent additions to the history of maths is the equation for finding out your porn star name [first pet + first street = porn star name]. This month, engage your numeric side and create equations for finding out names for other alter egos, such as but not limited to your: roller derby name, lady boy name, Jedi or rapper name. Your addition to maths won’t subtract from its historical value.

Leo – Next time you play basketball ask yourself, “Do I want to wear a famous athlete's number or will I make a number famous?” Take this as your sporting mantra for the coming months.

Virgo – "Each second in a day can be a memory." Remember this the next time you give a shit and create a memory.

Libra – Some say Ring a Ring o’ Rosie is nursery rhyme that was used to teach children about the perils of contracting the bubonic plague. Help this generation of children by penning nursery rhymes for modern day epidemic such as Ebola, Zika virus, Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, and AIDS.

Scorpio – Fact: mint is fresh, basil is sweet and chicory is bitter. If you were a herb, which one would you be?

Sagittarius – Finances been troubling you? In this moon create an app called Angry Bids. It can either find spelling mistakes or trade shares aggressively on the stock market.

Capricorn – Albert Einstein once said, “If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.” This month, learn to explain yourself simply by answering this question, “If I were a coffee which one would I be?"

Aquarius – In fashion “blends” are all the rage. When you’re next in a rage, make note of all your blends.